I'm Not Smart Enough

(and Neither Are You!)

I’m not the author of my own life, and I’ve found that fact to be very irritating, as a writer. I’ve had many talks with God about the various chapters He ordained that I did not want to be major themes. I talked about this in my last post.

Shortly after I wrote that piece, I woke up in the early morning with a true sense of horror over what it would actually be like to author my own life. I suddenly recognized this desire means I want to:

• Control all the variables in my life.

• Only make decisions that please me or bring me joy and happiness.

• Avoid difficult conversations, circumstances, and people because it would just make life more pleasant. Who wants to deal with conflict, anyway?

• Choose where I live and the style of home I reside in. I’d choose a neighborhood in a beautiful setting, next to people I like, who act according to my expectations.

• Have the perfect career, with a paycheck that consistently left me with more-than-enough for unexpected expenses.

• Achieve all the goals I established for myself.

• If I discovered I didn’t like any of my choices, I could change them—after all, I’m the author.

Before you write me off as being a completely self-centered person, consider the bullet points above and honestly ask yourself if you’ve ever longed for any of those things.

We all have a desire to control our circumstances and the people around us. We see this type of thinking affirmed everywhere around us: “Create the life you want to live.” “You are responsible for your own destiny.” “Make the future of your dreams.” “Live your best life.” The other day, I saw a greeting card that said, “You are the author of your own life story.” I thought it was interesting timing, given the topic of this post.

The Bible tells us God is the Author of our story (Hebrews 12:1-13). When we become Christ-followers, we die to our old lives and are made new in Him (2 Corinthians 5:17). Our lives our not our own. We give them to Jesus for Him to use according to His purposes (Philippians 2:12-13).

We hear these principles frequently at church, but in the reality of daily life, surrendering my plans to God’s often feels like a tug-of-war—me struggling to have the reigns so I can somehow control my destiny. My plans make sense to me. They don’t require faith. They don’t require discomfort, or dealing with difficult people, or navigating medical systems. They consistently take me through the shortest route—from point A to point B—without any mountains or valleys in between. But my plans are not His plans. My ways are not His ways.

Our God is the One who took the Israelites through the desert on a circuitous route for forty years, building their character, their trust in Him, and their sense of community. He is outside of time. He’s not concerned with efficiency or accomplishing a to-do list other than one with an eternal focus: Whatever will teach us more about Him and draw us closer to Him—that’s the path he will choose.

The reality is that writing my own story would be overwhelming and debilitating. It would also leave me woefully unprepared for the assignments God placed before me. I would have edited out (or had never written!) the hard chapters—the important ones that taught me critical truths. I would have avoided so many places, people, and situations because of fear or inconvenience. If I were off “doing my own thing” instead of going to school or work, there are so many interesting people and circumstances I never would have encountered.

The truth is I’m not smart enough to author my own life. Neither are you. We are much wiser to give that job fully to God, who is all-knowing, all-powerful, and consistently works to bring us closer to Him and prepare us for what’s ahead. Really, none of us know what each day will bring—but God does—and if we choose to rest in Him and His plans for us, there is no greater place of security.

If you’ve been sensing yourself wrestling back-and-forth with God over the course of your life, tell Him about it. Tell Him why you trust yourself—and your plans—more than His. Tell Him where you think He’s falling short—then open your heart to listen and see:

-       How is He refining you in this current chapter. Are you allowing Him to form your character (Romans 5:3-5), or is it making you bitter and resentful (Ephesians 4:31-32)?

-       What does He want to show you about Himself during this season? It could be His faithfulness, His provision, His love, His mercy, His judgment, or something else.

-       Is there anything that needs to change in your life—an attitude, a behavior, or a situation—so you can align yourself with Him and His Truth more fully?

Here’s my new approach (Maybe it will help you, too?): When I feel irritated that life is not going the way I’d like it to, it’s a sign that I need to surrender my need to be in control. Instead, I need to trust God. That means increasingly trusting the path God has for me and my family; that His plans are for our good; that He sees the future, knows what we will need, and will provide for us, every step of the way. Just as He always has done.

With me no longer fighting for the helm, it will be a lot easier for Him to use my life however He ordains—and that’s a plan that leads toward the kind of peace and fulfillment that lasts for eternity.