Homeschool didn’t ruin my children—and neither did public school

But which is better?

My son graduated from high school last month, and I am relieved to report that homeschooling didn’t ruin him. Neither did public school.

I have a unique perspective on today’s homeschool / public school debate because I’ve done both. I homeschooled my children for eight years when we lived in a rural, mountain town in California. I had the blessing (and challenge) of spending 24 hours a day with them for many years as they learned how to read, write, calculate basic math, and discover the joy of good books and history.

When we moved to Tennessee in 2017, not a single atom in my being felt compelled to continue homeschooling. It was confusing to me because it was such a significant shift from my previous position and convictions. Was I caving? Was I not a strong enough mom to keep homeschooling through middle school and high school? Would the countless hours we’d spent investing in their character and work ethic be undone by public school? Would other kids expose them to things they could not unsee?

All of these questions and doubts swirled through my mind, but I couldn’t shake the feeling—the Holy Spirit leading—that the “safety” of homeschool wasn’t what they needed in this season. God had something different, and even though public school wasn’t a part of the story I would have authored for them, I needed to let them go.

So, in August 2017, I parked my car at the 900-student middle school and walked my sixth-grade son and eighth-grade daughter into school.

“Ma’am, you can’t come in,” the teacher told me at the entrance to the school.

“I can’t help them find their homeroom?” I asked.

“No ma’am. The teachers will help them.”

And, just like that my kids were absorbed into a mob of students that somehow looked much older than the homeschooling community we left behind in California. I prayed I made the right choice.

That first year was an adjustment. My son had never been in a formal classroom, and on the first day of school he was selected to be the line leader. He didn’t know how to lead a line of students from the classroom to the cafeteria, and the kids and teacher weren’t particularly kind. My daughter had the same friends since she was a baby, and they all came from Christian homes that had similar values to ours. Suddenly she found herself with eighth grade girls whose pecking order was established based on designer clothes, spray tans, and bleached blond hair.

It's been nearly seven years since that day, and last month I coincidentally found myself rolling into the same school parking lot to attend a JROTC award ceremony for my son. He’s now six-foot-three, and he was one of two seniors at his school to win a merit-based JROTC award. He not only completed his education in public school, he thrived.

Public school had its challenges. There was vaping in the classrooms, fights in the hall, undisciplined students, mean kids, sad kids, crazy kids, crazy parents, weird rules, dress codes, and a few books and curriculum choices we contested with the principal and school board.

But it also came with so many unexpected blessings I never could have given my children, if it were up to me and and my husband alone.

My daughter discovered her love for business. She excelled at DECA, a business club, competing nationally three of her four years. She developed close friendships with a wide variety of friends from very diverse backgrounds. She had teachers who invested in her, not just academically, but as a person. They truly cared and offered her guidance and direction that helped her grow.

My son was able to participate in JROTC and compete on their Raider and Drill teams. This program shaped him in countless ways as a young man and a leader. He also found a group of friends with similar passions—truly admirable young men with good manners, character, and kindness. They give me hope for the future of our nation.

They both were active participants in our church’s youth group, and we found that public school offered many opportunities to live out their faith in very practical ways. They learned how to interact with the wide variety of people and personalities within their generation. There were also many opportunities to share their worldview and viewpoints with their peers—or to simply be a good friend through hard circumstances—bringing God’s salt and light into the schools.

They both graduated with good GPAs and ACT scores, which led them to scholarships at their universities, proving that neither homeschool nor public school ruined them—in fact, it prepared them for the next step.

So, which is better? Homeschool or public school? Both are better, depending on your child and the season they are in.

Our family used homeschooling and public school to educate our children. Neither were perfect. Both came with blessings and struggles. And both felt like the right choice, for each individual child, at that specific time in their lives.

My advice to any mother who is wondering whether to homeschool or send their kids to public school is this: Pray and ask for God’s leading for each individual child; don’t make decisions based on fear; and be open to taking a pathway you may not expect.

Whether you homeschool or send your kids to public school, one truth is consistent: Rearing children is the responsibility of parents, not schools. Be diligent to read the Bible, pray with your children, go to church, be involved at church, and make seeking Jesus a part of your daily life as a family. While education is important, living out your faith authentically at home will provide fertile soil that will strengthen their convictions and help them thrive, wherever they go.